Joe McCabe

SETTING: Two men (early 30's) THIN and FAT sing their lines enthusiastically as they dance about down-stage. The VOICE OVER (V.O.) is a young woman's voice (electronically amplified) expressing the thoughts of a WOMAN (early 20's) who is seated up-stage. All three actors wear masks, and the woman fans herself.

THIN: I am much thinner than you are.

FAT: And I am much fatter by far.

THIN: You've got to be thin, if you want to win.

FAT: Winning's no matter, when you are fatter.

V.O.: No wonder they wouldn't let me see the script. "You just sit there," they said, "and fan yourself."

THIN: I am much thinner than you are.

FAT: Be of good cheer, and act without fear.

THIN: But don't forget to protect your rear.

FAT: I do when you're near and drinking your beer.

V.O.: That's disgusting! These guys are thirty-something going on eleven or twelve.

THIN: You eat and you eat till your cupboard is bare.

FAT: I like a good meal; I like my steak rare.

THIN: I eat like a bird; you eat like a bear.

FAT: I am well rounded, and you are a square.

THIN: I sing and I dance much better than you.

FAT: The hell you do. The hell you do.

THIN: I flit through the air with the greatest of flair.

FAT: Just ask that woman who sits on the chair.

THIN: Where is this woman who sits on a chair?

FAT: You really don't see her? She's sitting back there.

V.O.: I'm very lucky I'm wearing a mask. I can ignore whatever they ask.

THIN: She's wearing a mask; she seems quite aloof.

FAT: We each wear a mask. I swear by my tooth.

THIN: I heard what you said, but where is your proof?

FAT: Facts speak for themselves, and they tell the truth.

V.O.: They give me a pain. They'll drive me insane.