"The story God & Mel Gibson don't want you to hear!!"


at once historical, profane, blasphemous, comedic and vulgar

Stand-up Tragedy -  Shakespeare in the Lounge!!

"In the classical argots of:
  Petronius,  Rabelais,  Chaucer,  Shakespeare,

Lenny Bruce,  Guy Ritchie,  James Joyce,  David Jones

See this One Apostle Show
in New
York in August
: 2014

Aug 3    Boog City 8 as part of Poets Theater
     Aug 4    Full Show at The Bowery Poetry Club

Complete Info and Locations Below

Boog City 8 

Boog City 8

Boog City 8
Facebook Page

 Poets Theater:
Fracture of the Word
 Fracturing the Stage

August 3rd, 2014
9 Poets curated by
Magus Magnus


The Canaanite

A Meditation on Empire

 Sidewalk Cafe, 94 Avenue A, NYC
Doors Open at 5:30pm


Bowery Poetry Club

Free Admission

Monday, August 4th 6:30pm
Bowery Poetry Club
308 Bowery, New York, NY 10012

Bowery Poetry Club
Full Performance

August 4th, 2014
6:30 pm

The Gospel According
to Simon Kananaios:

 A Meditation on Empire

Carlo Parcelli performs
selections in character from
The Canaanite Gospel


order through
Amazon or Country Valley Press
"So's the boys at the pub ask,
if he's resurrect, where the fuck is he?"


Poet Vaudevillian
Carlo Parcelli
(performances or readings available)
The Canaanite Gospel
A Meditation on Empire
88 Monologues

Country Valley Press / FlashPoint
ISBN 978-0-9820196-2-7      $11.95

What actually transpired Easter Week/Passover 33 A.D.?
The Resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth was a Hoax!

      Culled from First Century Texts and drawn from dozens of biblical and secular sources, these monologues tell a revisionist tale of what transpired in Judea, Easter Week/Passover 33 AD and beyond during the reign of the Roman Emperor Tiberius.

      In the classical argots of Petronius, Rabelais, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Lenny Bruce, Guy Ritchie, James Joyce, David Jones, Cockney and the world's myriad cryptolects, The Canaanite Gospel strips bare the New Testament canard of the Resurrection of Yeshu of Nazareth and pokes a stick in the eye of the Synoptic Gospels.

Video Selections:

Full Performances Available
A full performance/reading of 12 to 14 monologues
runs approximately 80 minutes with a 10 minute break.
For more info or to schedule
contact Carlo Parcelli at 301-927-8323
or email: alphavillebooks@verizon.net

NOTE: For performances Mr. Parcelli appears in full 1st Century A.D. costume.

The Canaanite Gospel is intended for ADULTS ONLY!!!

The Canaanite Gospel is comprised of 88 monologues with 64 different characters.
Actors or Directors interested in performing
and/or staging any of this material should contact
Carlo Parcelli at 301-927-8323 or email: alphavillebooks@verizon.net

A selection of early text versions of 40 of the
dramatic monologues from the Canaanite Gospel can be found at

Audio of six of the monologues can be found here:

Mr. Parcelli's pieces have appeared in:

Guns and Ammo  *   IHOP Dinner Mats  *   Ted Haggard's Sunday Bible Class  *   the Naval Defense Annual  *   Christian Pole Dancers' Weekly  *   the Watchtower  *   the Rostock Freitag  *   the National Review  *   the Smut Locker  *   the Ypsilanti Courier  *   Liberty University's Commencement Brochure  *   Dog Whistle Diaries  *   Soppy Tart  *   Pipe Fitters Manual SE-1467: Addendum C  *   Kitty Kuplets  *   the Vatican Bank Newsletter  *   Russell Simmon's Fashion Poetry Street Slam and FlashPoint Magazine.    In 1995 Mr. Parcelli's epic romp through the secular eschatology of Western epistemology  *   'Deconstructing the Demiurge: Tale of the Tribe  *  ' was "deemed unfit for human consumption" by Poetry Magazine  *   Conjunctions  *   The Antioch Review  *   the Parcelli Family Christmas Newsletter  *   Poet Lore  *   the Blotto Lotus  *   Prairie Schooner  *   Bleeding Ulcer and the FDA News Letter.

From the Canaanite Gospel:

[A]nd as for Simon, knew me a lot a Simons 
But I don't truck wif no thug Simons.
                         --- Martha

And as Virgil casts the same by Cumae cooze,
        Ain't I the literate fuckin' guinea hopes to read in me palm 
Mugshots a Tibi on silver stamp
   Me little cuntie magpies bein' attracted to shiny objects.
                         --- Oranius 

I prosper as me people, just as we are.
           What cast out Saul is timely to me.
Who to slay his ten thousands and how to proceed.
                   No bloody timeless fiction a good will
When none's to ground.
                        --- Jesus Barabbas

Power arrests indulgence
              So best indulge 
In the torments power affords. 
        And such prissy disposed 
Can suck teardrops from me cock
        As close to ichor be they get.		
		--- Tiberius Julius Caesar Augustus

And I be, 'go yourfuckin'self, mister. 
            Do I the looks a Samson. 
Work one your stunts
                 Wif pulleys and levers
'Stead all day be winchin' up lady Magda's skirts.'
                        --- Johanna Chusa

So I beg your pardon, I knows where me knifes been and me mouf
           And how bofe got there by the laws.		   
		                --- Simon Kananaios

Me eldest son, Ace, I heard
           Was killed at the edge a the world
Not a full year in the ranks,
                   Head stoved in by a naked blue man
Wif his pecker hangin' out
                   Or that's the tellin'.
		--- Gaviolus

What of us to credit publicans and fishmongers
          Over rule and the law;
A corpse a some vagabond
          What promised deliverance
And can't even keep his own.
                       --- Safiya

And he, "Bitch if ye knew the gift 
                      What say a thee water
           Thou wouldn' balk 
But straigtway be wet about thy well." 
               And ta gall says I, "Sir, 'pears thou has little 
                     Ta draw wif and this well be deep."
	    --- Nalda, the Samaritan Woman

If I tell you me doubt was warrant
         How will I be fed?
If I tell you Yeshua was me twin
         How will you say he does not live in me?
		               --- Juda Didymus Thomas

No mistake. I loved him dear. But 
      Not our addled rebbi to this purpose
         As what I have set in motion.
		               --- Mary Magdala 

The Canaanite Gospel 2010

For more info or to schedule a performance
contact:  Carlo Parcelli at 301-927-8323
email:  alphavillebooks@verizon.net

Mr. Parcelli is a founding editor of:

FlashPoint: A Literary Journal of the Arts and Politics