"Cave Canem", Roman Mosaic 1st BCE
Museo Archeologico Nazionale, Naples, Italy

Carlo Parcelli


I          II          III          IV          V

I: Hilarius Grammateus, scribe and servant to Simon Kananaios

This Introductory monologue was delivered by Hilarius Grammateus, scribe to Simon the Canaanite who by then was in his late eighties and blind. It is presented here for the first time in translation and serves as an introduction to the other 92 monologues that comprise the Gospel According to Simon Kananaios. It is accompanied by 4 companion monologues recently discovered in a cave of a former leper colony in the Sinai and attributed to the apostle Simon Kananaios.

“Quiet down Mr. Barsabbas. 
               Your puddin’ cools at the sill 
Whilst I be at the portico
         Chattin’ up a gent what’s got purse 
Ta challenge Goliat’s scrote
             Hangin’ thereby but a margin left.
Twin sacks
                   As Cain’s be Romulus and Abel’s be Remus
          Or as Didy be a our Yeshi.
So hush while I chat up our pilgrim
                   Ta trim such fruit loose a its vine..

(Turning to rich pilgrim)
You want to know me, good sir, 
                 For I be very scribe to Kanon Simon,
Blind therein, groanin’ ta gum his victuals.
           The same sicari what make dagger a his pen 
                   Or pen a his dagger,
      Whatever evil be ta sort,
                   Be it aphairesis or ink well.
And depose them’s  what bear witness a Yeshi ben Pantera
           By touch or smell or sight or word.
                    What be his cozies and intimates,
                           Cronies and coursers
            And other what upon he bore.
What come ta his flesh ta hang 
                 And what come by same flesh ta eat
An abomination like ta get one hanged
                 If god or dago procurator got a say in it.
Me blind master, Simon, be about all 
                 What desire ta ken that Yeshi bugger
What at full sight be a the side a John the Baptizer
       And at the day a the Nazarene’s approach.
So these what follow witness
            What a true god and true church be witness
For fear a false prophets a rumor and discord
                 Bond from their own dearth a fables and lies
A these transpirations we attest,
            As I mean Joe what make dilutes and potions
Through me and me through him,
            And deny we such portage a god.
And as he be tempted by the devil
            Long before he made a parable a it.
      A shaver what be the devil himself some say.
Late by gildin’ outcomes as ta appear comely before his flock. 
                    And modest
           For a fable wif a bit a indict a the fancier be a parable
                 What many fancy they see themselves.
For a good parable be kin a Hypnos and ta strip a purse
            Wif a bit a sparrow’s chirpin’ 
What fortify the peckin’
            As our dear Deror be Aeolus hisself.
                   And ain’t we got meat and board thereby. 
And be stout in our numbers
             And waves crash and the blood a martyrs 
                   Is spilt in our name.
That this tale be a two messiahs and a beard,
            One a denial what nevertheless be subject to bloody recompense.
And two, a pretty Magdala’s contrive and tempo
            As she remain so Queen a the cult
As she be gird ta mop and towel up the gore
                    Lest glory seek ta buoy the bob and rise a others
Or spark a schism what two pockets need fed.   
             Like this Tarsus what be easy liberty wif the deeds a others
And verbose as tales a those 
             What by his own sword cropped
                    When he saw their gold then delivered.
A scoldy shite what those he make gaze up
        Find their cup empty a next swallow.

So make need a me and me master,
              That thy pouch not purse thy back
Or bandits press thy throat.
          Hear him and the true gospel. 
The word a me Master Simon
      What’s plundered his porridge by now
And wants a damp rag took to his beard.   


About the Author:
Carlo Parcelli has spent 40 years studying the epistemology of science
and technology and their effect on the natural world and naturally
evolved cultures. He specifically challenged the efficacy of progressive
systems of quantification, mathematization, mathematical discretion,
formal systems game theory etc., since these elements form the core of
the way western man can think about his world and all the limitations
such an epistemology implies. Parcelli has written 14 book length poems
which embed numerous sources and elaborate in great detail his
insights. He has also written numerous articles. Now, he is content to
watch the Earth scribble its own Apocalyptic Epic in real time.
Having failed to reach virtually anyone concerning his epistemological
concerns and seeing the natural world taking its future into its
own hands via global climate change, Parcelli embarked on a retelling
of the Synoptic Gospels. The Canaanite Gospel is comprised of 88
monologues, primarily eyewitness accounts known as Divine Depositions,
recorded by the Apostle Simon Kananaios or Simon the Zealot
in the First Century A.D.
He currently spends his evenings busking local bars in the Washington
DC area dressed as Simon Kananaios, performing his monologues
in exchange for drinks and the occasional monetary remuneration.
Visit carloparcelli.com for performance videos and more.

The 88 published monologues:

order through
Amazon or Country Valley Press

"So's the boys at the pub ask,
if he's resurrect, where the fuck is he?"


Poet Vaudevillian
Carlo Parcelli
The Canaanite Gospel
A Meditation on Empire
88 Monologues

Country Valley Press / FlashPoint
ISBN 978-0-9820196-2-7      $11.95

Earlier versions of the monologues can be found in:
  FlashPoint Spring 2010 / Issue 13

For information about live performances of The Canaanite Gospel
see our Live Performance online flyer.